Hello, London...

Coming soon, to a music venue (possibly, sorrily) near you... (Well - The Dignity, in Finchley, this Sunday; Storm, off Leicester Square, October 18...): someone who has the audacity to inflict such newly-polished-off songs as contain the following, feeble (first-draft) lyrics...

For once in my lifetime
I'm driving it right
Slowing down for the speed cameras
And the traffic lights
Changing gears, and oh-so-steady schlepping
All the way from Gunnersbury to Epping

Any stretch can do it
Inspire that special feeling
From Barking mad
To sexual Ealing
My Henlys Corner "naked lady" lover
Points to Ikea one way, and Ikea the other

Hello, how are you, and how's tricks?
Everybody can get their kicks
On the A 4 0 6.....

Left on the highway
Clothes from either sex
Who may lose their heads
And who lose their keks
I drive over a hat, boot, shirt and skirt
How they got there? I guess it must have hurt

See the Neasden Temple
It stands out just a tad
By the Park Royal Estate -
Guess it doesn't look too bad
The Dollis Brook leads to the River Lea
Sid and Doris Bonkers, and Ron Knee

Hello, how are you, and how's tricks?
Everybody can get their kicks
On the A 4 0 6.....

Ring-a-ring-a-ringway
A mini-M25
A 26-mile car park
Makes you glad to learn to drive
Clock the Clockhouse, where John Lennon stood
But now that Beatle's flown, Norwegian wood

I pity the people
Who step outside their gate
To find the rush-hour rushing
9am to 8
The flower-sellers, setting out their stall
Yet never selling one, let alone them all

Hello, how are you, and how's tricks?
Everybody can get their kicks
On the A 4 0 6.....

The Ace Cafe's still serving
Any passing Mod
Or greasy teenage hipster
Who talks about 'The Quad'
Their scooters rattle and their trousers fray
But Be-right-on couldn't seem more far away

Every bulletin talks of
A jam at Charlie Brown's
Well, you deserve what you get
Straying anywhere near Hackney Downs
I'd rather take the turning for White Hart Lane
The Harem Dine'n'Dance is tempting again

Hello, how are you, and how's tricks?
Everybody can get their kicks
On the A 4 0 6.....

Keep your Peripherique
Going round gay Paree
'Cos hang on, Hanger Lane
Well, it does it for me
But the best thing the North Circular might give ya
It'll go so far
But it won't go south of the river...

Hello, how are you, and how's tricks?
Everybody can get their kicks
On the A 4 0 6.....