But where oh where (perhaps no longer on the Isle of Wight) might I find me a polecat? They look rather sweet.
Ah, but wait - maybe not...Still: any (very vague) excuse to show my favourite birthday card cartoon...
New Tories, new danger...
Still, this shocking attack might at least mark a change from the days when Norman "Semi-House-Trained Polecat" Tebbit was in full chomp.
But where oh where (perhaps no longer on the Isle of Wight) might I find me a polecat? They look rather sweet.
Ah, but wait - maybe not...
Still: any (very vague) excuse to show my favourite birthday card cartoon...
But where oh where (perhaps no longer on the Isle of Wight) might I find me a polecat? They look rather sweet.
Ah, but wait - maybe not...Still: any (very vague) excuse to show my favourite birthday card cartoon...
A day of two halves, Brian...
Another day, another lovely new nephew…
Ah, but I’m starting at the end when there was plenty more of a prelude. Yesterday the London wing of our family not currently nursing new-born babies or on anxious alert for another’s imminent arrival were in the West Midland’s for my Great-Uncle Reg’s funeral.
Funeral? Well, nothing quite so mournful – more of an emotional but ultimately rousing (modern-cliché warning) celebration of his life, with his old Para buddies paying their banner-banging, bugle-wheezing respects; my youngest brother Christy following behind the Union Flag-draped coffin wearing Reg’s original Army uniform (thus silently reprising his role as Reg in (shameless-plug warning) Silvery Moon Productions’ nation-touring, all-the-emotions-indulging song’n’storytelling tribute Somewhere In France With You); my Uncle Dave producing his own birth certificate revealing Reg had ignored instructions and had him registered as “Reginand David” instead of “David Lloyd”; and the elegiac melodies of Reg’s romantic favourites, “We’ll Meet Again” and “You Are My Heart’s Delight”.
Inspiring stuff. Even despite a brief detour when the car I was driving, as the cortege made its stately way from Walsall through Dudley to Gornal Wood, lost sight of the crucial group leaders thanks to a hulking great German lorry - the driver apparently unmoved by the three black carriages and the (I would have thought) obvious connection to all of us following behind in black mourning gear… Still, despite Herr Unhelpful’s best efforts, we ultimately managed to overtake and overcome.
Perhaps Reg might have thought that somehow appropriate, actually.
Ah, but, but, but… Someone else was struggling to steal a little of the old showman’s limelight: not long before entering the crem, a call came through from my brother Lyndon that his wife Jessie had gone into labour a week early – thus happily vindicating the decision to stay home in London, just in case. Phew. An M1 layby or a Trusthouse Forte somewhere near Northamptonshire would be no place for a newly-emerging baby to first clap his or her stickily blinking eyes upon, after all…
And so it was Hampstead’s Royal Free Hospital – birthplace of myself and all three brothers – that hosted the latest addition to the family tree, and yes, yet another boy: clearly, the Y chromosome is strong in this gene pool. Kim – meaning “little friend to all the world” (no pressure, then, fella), and apparently partly inspired not by the North Korean dictactor but bv Lyndon recently reading the Rudyard Kipling adventures. Good job he steered away from The Jungle Book and Mowgli, though it may be some time yet before Kim can be safely entrusted with the secret of man’s red fire.
For now, and our briefly-allowed visit on return to London last night, he looks happy where he is for the time being – namely, swaddled deeply inside a blanket and hoodie, though those cheeks look a little chubbier than his (three-weeks-older) cousin Harry. Oh, what parallel adventures that pair should share… As long as they come to like each other, of course. Tough if they don’t...
At least Kim can perhaps claim some credit for pulling his weight a little more (7lb 6oz, to be precise) – Jessie’s ten-hour labour was a mere one-quarter of the time it took for lazy Harry to emerge.
The “It’s a boy!” banners are back up (alongside a poster saying, ahem, "Wel-Kim Home"). There’s a new gurgler in town.
And his arrival on August 14, making it a day for hellos and well as goodbyes, shows Kim has one classy attribute already timing.
I mean...:
Timing.
Ah, but I’m starting at the end when there was plenty more of a prelude. Yesterday the London wing of our family not currently nursing new-born babies or on anxious alert for another’s imminent arrival were in the West Midland’s for my Great-Uncle Reg’s funeral.
Funeral? Well, nothing quite so mournful – more of an emotional but ultimately rousing (modern-cliché warning) celebration of his life, with his old Para buddies paying their banner-banging, bugle-wheezing respects; my youngest brother Christy following behind the Union Flag-draped coffin wearing Reg’s original Army uniform (thus silently reprising his role as Reg in (shameless-plug warning) Silvery Moon Productions’ nation-touring, all-the-emotions-indulging song’n’storytelling tribute Somewhere In France With You); my Uncle Dave producing his own birth certificate revealing Reg had ignored instructions and had him registered as “Reginand David” instead of “David Lloyd”; and the elegiac melodies of Reg’s romantic favourites, “We’ll Meet Again” and “You Are My Heart’s Delight”. 
Inspiring stuff. Even despite a brief detour when the car I was driving, as the cortege made its stately way from Walsall through Dudley to Gornal Wood, lost sight of the crucial group leaders thanks to a hulking great German lorry - the driver apparently unmoved by the three black carriages and the (I would have thought) obvious connection to all of us following behind in black mourning gear… Still, despite Herr Unhelpful’s best efforts, we ultimately managed to overtake and overcome. Perhaps Reg might have thought that somehow appropriate, actually.
Ah, but, but, but… Someone else was struggling to steal a little of the old showman’s limelight: not long before entering the crem, a call came through from my brother Lyndon that his wife Jessie had gone into labour a week early – thus happily vindicating the decision to stay home in London, just in case. Phew. An M1 layby or a Trusthouse Forte somewhere near Northamptonshire would be no place for a newly-emerging baby to first clap his or her stickily blinking eyes upon, after all…
And so it was Hampstead’s Royal Free Hospital – birthplace of myself and all three brothers – that hosted the latest addition to the family tree, and yes, yet another boy: clearly, the Y chromosome is strong in this gene pool. Kim – meaning “little friend to all the world” (no pressure, then, fella), and apparently partly inspired not by the North Korean dictactor but bv Lyndon recently reading the Rudyard Kipling adventures. Good job he steered away from The Jungle Book and Mowgli, though it may be some time yet before Kim can be safely entrusted with the secret of man’s red fire.
For now, and our briefly-allowed visit on return to London last night, he looks happy where he is for the time being – namely, swaddled deeply inside a blanket and hoodie, though those cheeks look a little chubbier than his (three-weeks-older) cousin Harry. Oh, what parallel adventures that pair should share… As long as they come to like each other, of course. Tough if they don’t...
At least Kim can perhaps claim some credit for pulling his weight a little more (7lb 6oz, to be precise) – Jessie’s ten-hour labour was a mere one-quarter of the time it took for lazy Harry to emerge.The “It’s a boy!” banners are back up (alongside a poster saying, ahem, "Wel-Kim Home"). There’s a new gurgler in town.
And his arrival on August 14, making it a day for hellos and well as goodbyes, shows Kim has one classy attribute already timing.
I mean...:
Timing.
"Express yourself, create the space - you know you can win, don't give up the chase..."
England's footballers are on their way in Germany in search of World Cup glory.
No, this isn’t a case of déjà vu – this return trip might just end very differently from our sorry exit earlier this summer.
Back then it was Sven-Goran Eriksson, David Beckham and his multi-million-pound team-mates who are over-hyped, over-priced and (briefly) over-there.
Now, though, it will be 18 non-league players looking to do their country proud as the Learning Disabilities World Cup kicks off at the end of this month.
And England start in the strange role of defending champions, having followed in Ronaldo and Ronaldinho's gilded footsteps in Japan four years ago.
Their warm-up games have rather more impressive than Sven's minnow-slaying defears of Hungary and Jamaica - a 6-1 win over Germany and a 10-0 trouncing of France.
Star players include the appropriately-named striker Tony Boot and wonderkid ‘keeper Harry Hunter, who was just 16 when he won a winners' medal in 2002.
Like the Charlton brothers in 1966, England's 2002 side also boasted a pair of brothers - Frank and Scott Curley.
Frank, a defender, and Scott, a midfield, could be crucial again this summer, alongside captain and former Tottenham Hotspur trainee Ronnie Watson.
LD football follows the same rules as the mainstream game, but only players with an IQ of below 75 can take part.
Many of England's squad started their careers with professional clubs, but have been held back by behavioural problems and the stigma of learning difficulties.
Striker Bertie Brayley played a starring role alongside Joe Cole and Michael Carrick when West Ham won the FA Youth Cup in 1999.
While Cole and Carrick have flourished in the Premiership and for England’s senior side, Brayley has slipped down the divisions and out of professional football.
Manager Lyndon Lynch (above) said: “Who’s to say there aren’t professional players out there who do have learning disabilities? Some of my players have been at top clubs.
“Because of various associated problems, they don’t make it in the professional game.
“Maybe it’s concentration, maybe it’s confidence, maybe it’s behaviour.”
Many Premiership and Football League clubs do run their own LD teams, though – Lynch praises the arrangements at Chelsea, Everton and Crystal Palace, for example.
Players in these sides also tend to turn out for non-league clubs.
Lynch has fostered links with club scouts, coaches, and educational staff, to identify LD players.
He and the FA organise training days and talent weeks across the country, inviting players to turn up for specialist workshops and trials.
He has also set up an under-17s’ squad, which has provided five of the players he will be taking to Germany.
England kick off against South Korea on September 4, then Hungary three days later.
England were crowned the first LD world champions after beating Holland 2-1 in front of 25,000 fans in Yokohama, Japan, four years ago - a few weeks after Brazil beat Germany in the same arena.
They also won the Global Games in Sweden two years later, though Lynch missed the big day of the final due to an eye injury.
Lynch, who took over in 1999 when England were ranked a lowly 12th, said: 'Winning in Yokohama was the best feeling.
'A lot of these players would have faced problems in school and later life, but now they know they can contribute to something special.”
No, this isn’t a case of déjà vu – this return trip might just end very differently from our sorry exit earlier this summer.
Back then it was Sven-Goran Eriksson, David Beckham and his multi-million-pound team-mates who are over-hyped, over-priced and (briefly) over-there.
Now, though, it will be 18 non-league players looking to do their country proud as the Learning Disabilities World Cup kicks off at the end of this month.
And England start in the strange role of defending champions, having followed in Ronaldo and Ronaldinho's gilded footsteps in Japan four years ago.
Their warm-up games have rather more impressive than Sven's minnow-slaying defears of Hungary and Jamaica - a 6-1 win over Germany and a 10-0 trouncing of France.Star players include the appropriately-named striker Tony Boot and wonderkid ‘keeper Harry Hunter, who was just 16 when he won a winners' medal in 2002.
Like the Charlton brothers in 1966, England's 2002 side also boasted a pair of brothers - Frank and Scott Curley.
Frank, a defender, and Scott, a midfield, could be crucial again this summer, alongside captain and former Tottenham Hotspur trainee Ronnie Watson.
LD football follows the same rules as the mainstream game, but only players with an IQ of below 75 can take part.
Many of England's squad started their careers with professional clubs, but have been held back by behavioural problems and the stigma of learning difficulties.
Striker Bertie Brayley played a starring role alongside Joe Cole and Michael Carrick when West Ham won the FA Youth Cup in 1999.
While Cole and Carrick have flourished in the Premiership and for England’s senior side, Brayley has slipped down the divisions and out of professional football.
Manager Lyndon Lynch (above) said: “Who’s to say there aren’t professional players out there who do have learning disabilities? Some of my players have been at top clubs.
“Because of various associated problems, they don’t make it in the professional game.
“Maybe it’s concentration, maybe it’s confidence, maybe it’s behaviour.”
Many Premiership and Football League clubs do run their own LD teams, though – Lynch praises the arrangements at Chelsea, Everton and Crystal Palace, for example.
Players in these sides also tend to turn out for non-league clubs.
Lynch has fostered links with club scouts, coaches, and educational staff, to identify LD players.
He and the FA organise training days and talent weeks across the country, inviting players to turn up for specialist workshops and trials.
He has also set up an under-17s’ squad, which has provided five of the players he will be taking to Germany.
England kick off against South Korea on September 4, then Hungary three days later.
England were crowned the first LD world champions after beating Holland 2-1 in front of 25,000 fans in Yokohama, Japan, four years ago - a few weeks after Brazil beat Germany in the same arena.
They also won the Global Games in Sweden two years later, though Lynch missed the big day of the final due to an eye injury.
Lynch, who took over in 1999 when England were ranked a lowly 12th, said: 'Winning in Yokohama was the best feeling.
'A lot of these players would have faced problems in school and later life, but now they know they can contribute to something special.”
Not leaving on a jet plane...
Apologies for the flippancy, but might all this 10/8 (yeah, thanks, Sky News) hoo-hah merely be a silly-season publicity stunt...
... Sheikhs On A Plane, anyone?
... Sheikhs On A Plane, anyone?
"Misery and gin don't mix too well..."
What's a-happenin' in Hollywood? First Mel Gibson tumbles spectacularly off and ill-advisedly into the wagon, now Robin Williams enters rehab for alcoholism.
There must be something in the water over there.
Or rather, just not enough water in the something.
There must be something in the water over there.
Or rather, just not enough water in the something.
"Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep..."
Smart, sexy, and sassy, both the press and other staffers know not to mess with Claudia Jean. A natural at her job, the press secretary is sensitive toward women's issues and stands up for 'the Sisterhood'. Her wit and one-liners along with her lip synching ability are known across the land.
So am I, so says just another "Which etcetcetc character are you?", in this case the wonderful "The West Wing".
Hmm, well I might have preferred to have "been" the mumbling-wise-crackin' Josh Lyman (so much better in "The West Wing" than in "Billy Madison"), rather than the poacher-turned-Press-gamekeeper CJ (not that my recent journalistic efforts have been very, er, poach-y - more like mere bird-watching...)
Have been stuck somewhere in series four for too, too long (thanks to my Chinese-imported boxsets, thankfully without such distracting subtitling oddities as elsewhere), and so have done my best to avoid the recent show's-end eulogies.
It is great entertainment, though, and even enough to have me idly hankering after not only a career in backroom political intrigues, but a helpful hinterland in (splutter) law...
A favourite moment, after a rather harrowing little self-harm (then swift recovery) sequence:
Leo: "What are you doing?"
Josh: "I thought you wanted to hug me...?"
Leo: "Boy, did you read that wrong...!"
"Two of us, riding nowhere, spending someone's hard-earned pay..."
It looks like next season could be a long and winding road for West Ham, since they just couldn't let it be but instead scoured all across the universe before signing both McCartney and Spector this summer...
These two have history, right...?
Just so long as the East End eel-munchers keep well away from Lennon...
These two have history, right...?
Just so long as the East End eel-munchers keep well away from Lennon...
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